There is no date that comes to mind,
no final time,
an end with a resounding gone.
It just kind of faded,
and these things with our babies too.
All of the sudden it was done.
She no longer needed my milk for nourishment.
I can't say that I felt terribly sad,
or happy either.
My goal was to nurse her until she weaned herself,
be that one year or two.
At that we did.
I can say for sure it was past twelve months,
After one year I held onto each moment of her nursing like it would be my last.
She would stop for a day, or two, sometimes even four.
Then decide she wasn't done just yet.
She would be cutting a tooth and I found myself
offering it to her even though she hadn't had it for a few days.
I just wasn't ready yet.
After her off and on relationship with my breasts,
I stopped holding on to each moment.
Then one day it did become my last time,
and I can't even remember when that was.
During those months when all she was needing
was my milk, I can't say I particularely loved nursing.
Some moms go on about how much they enjoyed it,
It felt funny,
she was attached to me all.the.time.
(especially those first couple of months).
I would be engorged and I HATED pumping.
But I do remember loving knowing
I was the only one giving her that chub,
she was alive and well because of my milk
and she loved the smell of Mama.
Those first couple of weeks (months) when
everyone wanted to hold her,
I often felt like I didn't get to hold my own baby much.
So when I got to steal her away to nurse,
I loved knowing I had to take her.
I loved when Spencer would bring her to me in the morning,
and we would stay in bed for another hour or two dosing in and out of sleep.
I loved when she'd root for me in the night and latch herself on.
And I love, love, love the smell of my milk on her breath.
That sweet, sour milk breath.
She still loves Mama's "bubbies"
and greets them with an "oooh!"
(A confidence boost for sure,
as after all that nursing there's nothing to "oooh" about anymore.)
She likes to pinch and pull,
she even goes down to pretend to nurse,
looking at me out of the corners of her eyes.
Then pulls back laughing, "Noooo!"
She tried to latch on once a few weeks ago,
and she couldn't even remember how.
the power my body has.
I thank God everyday that I was able to conceive,
carry my baby full term,
deliver this perfect little bundle with no complications
and nurse her for months on end.
God gave me this body to do amazing things,
and I am so thankful I was able to use it!