Giving It Up and Not Taking It Back

This evening I sit and I read and I think. Listening to the song on my blog "Your Hands" while I catch up what is going on in the rest of the Bloggers Worlds. As I was reading Lisa Leonard's blog (she was giving an update about her son's open heart surgery), and listening to the lyrics of the song ("when my world is shaking, Heaven stands. When my heart is breaking, I never leave Your Hands.  ... One day You will set all things right.") I was overwhelmed with how great our God is.

This little guy, David, has just had a major surgery, and here Lisa has photos of him in his tiny little scrubs and he has the biggest smile on his face. Wow.

Our dear friends received some hard news recently. There first baby wasn`t developing quite right. His or her bones were calcifying. This was going to have some serious effects on the little one once it is born. We were devastated for our friends. We prayed daily, and cried for them. Then last week we received incredible news! Only a God as great as ours can explain this, because nobody else can. Baby  is healthy and developing at a normal rate. There are NO signs of what they had seen just weeks before. The doctors and specialists are baffled, and so are we. We are rejoicing and giving praises to God! He is so, so good! 

Giving my struggles, hardships and broken heart to God COMPLETELY is something I struggle with. I always take it back, every time. My heart is burdened easily for those who are hurting, mistreated and lonely. Even if the person is over it themselves, my heart continues to be heavy. I am sensitive, and I know that God created me this way for a reason. Sometimes it is hard for me to understand why. Okay, most times it is hard for me to understand why. 

Look at the evidence - it is all around us. There are miracles being performed EVERY DAY. Someone who has reconciled with another, a successful surgery, a healthy baby. 

It would be so much easier for myself if I could take this heavy heart of mine, and the pain of others, and give it up to God and leave it there IN HIS HANDS. Spencer has been helping me to just let things go. `Just let it go,`he says. It sounds so easy, why can't I do it? 

I know that if people knew I carried their burdens for them, they would probably stop telling me over time. Just for that reason, I need to LET IT GO.  I don't want this to happen, so I need to learn to take and give it straight to God. Not let it have time to settle on my heart. I think it is good that my heart can break for others, to feel the pain and be empathetic. However, I know it is not good for my heart to carry it all. God did not give me this sensitive heart with the intent that it will carry the weight of the world. It is not that I don't trust, or don't believe He will make things right. I KNOW He will. But for some unknown reason, I feel like I need to hold onto it. When a friend or family member is treated unfairly, hurt or I carry that burden as my own. 

Already this week, I can tell I have gotten better at this. My mom made a good point. When something is weighing heavy on my heart, stop what I am doing, get on my knees and give it to Him. Right away. And really, what else have I got to do right now? Most time I am out walking , or in my home, so I have the freedom to do this. I would like to start my prayer journal again. I think that this would help immensely. 

I am thankful for a husband who helps me through this. Who lets me cry on his shoulder, but encourages me to give it up. A husband who wipes my tears because he knows I am hurting. A husband who gets frustrated with my sensitive heart, but loves me still. A man who is strong when I am not, but also a man who cries alongside me. I am thankful for his faith in our Lord God and keeps me accountable. 

How do you give something to the Lord without taking it back again?

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