Hurt and Trust

In a world where there is so much pain,

all we can do is trust in our Lord

and His Sovereign plan.

Though fear tries to control my life,

I lean on my husband 

and on my Heavenly Father 

for the strength that I need.

Tomorrow,

as you probably know,

is our ultrasound appointment.

This will determine whether 

we will have a son or daughter.

As well as take a look

to make sure that he/she is 

growing strong and well,

and everything looks the way 

it is supposed to.

The motherly instinct

to protect my child

and make sure it is healthy

is overwhelming.

Something that cannot be understood

until you are in that position.

Today,

fear grips me tightly 

as we wait for that test tomorrow.

It seems so recently that we

heard the news that our dear

friends' son was diagnosed with something

terrible during their half way ultra sound,

it still haunts me.

Praise the Lord he was born

3 weeks ago a completely

 healthy baby Ezra.

Then today, 

I read a blog of a 

"friend of a friend".

Their ultrasound was yesterday,

where they learned they were having

a baby boy, Rowan.

At the same appointment

they learned that their son 

is missing the left half of his heart.

This is called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome.

Now they are reading stats,

and learning about how to deal with this news.

She wrote:

"I cannot sleep, I cannot eat, I cannot exist, I cannot live, if I do not have my son. We prayed so hard last night, tears flowing down both our faces, telling God we cannot bear to loose him. We cannot lose a child. It is too much for us to bear."

This breaks my heart.

Then I proceed to Facebook,
where I hear a cry for prayer for a friends
young cousin who is diagnosed with cancer.
Fear has it's grip on me today.

Please pray that tomorrow's appointment

will bring us nothing but pure joy!

Either way,

I lean today on God's faithfulness,

knowing full well

that He knows this child

so well.

He knows it's life,

he knows it,

He created it in my womb!

I trust in His plan.